finding myself

this has been a chore.

you know, once you lose something, and are frantically trying to find it, it can become quite difficult. this is what is happening with me. i am frantic, so frantic that i can no longer find myself, my interests. this is ruining me, my friendships and my relationship. i've got to get a grip and fix this, fix me.

ascendany, where is it?

something i can't get rid of, no matter how many times i try.

i keep torturing myself with it, i know, it will be my OWN undoing, and i still am not able to control it.

why?

maybe someday i will find it...i'm hoping...