sensory overload?

déjà vu

usually this is not painful for me, maybe uncomfortable. when this happens, my age/no-term memory/swiss cheese brain activity rears it's ugly head. another reminder of my ripening state leaving me discombobulated, more so than i typically am.

i experienced a strong déjà vu during dinner last night. first, cait took me to this wonderful restaurant which i have not haunted yet. familiarity crept over my psyche after i sat down and took in the decor and smells. second, i noticed one of the servers is a lady i had met in the eug. who worked at my friend's old bar. so not really a promnesia experience. third, random patrons appeared to be people i know or have known. all of this in ptown. walking away from the experience, i felt as though i was in the eug.

maybe the city is telling me something...

...

fell off the wagon, smoking that is...
there is too much stress rolling around right now, even with the patches...

the closer the time comes, the more anxiety...

i am doing the right thing for me...
everyone keeps telling me that and i know that...

it's the process...
let alone not just one life altering change, but three, all at the same time...

wishing i were with you already...

"it's not always about you..."

recurrently, another sleepless night with my gargoyle dubbed "insomnia" sitting on one shoulder.

comprehension of this relatively new phase in my life is becoming a failure. lack of sleep never has been an issue, but within the last year it has been lurking. stymied by not being able to power down my mind.

vacation in seattle whilst everything is falling into place with my life, and then the stress slices through the sound. absolutely no reason for this stress. call it "self-induced." or even paranoia. pause, "self-induced paranoia" would be more apropos.

how?

how are some people capable of turning it off...pushing it out of their mind's eye?

why?

why am i incapable of this?

wiring i presume?

"how much will i be charged for the rewiring?"

...and no, it wasn't about me...